What are you afraid of?
Being brave means something different for you than for me. You have your own unique fears and it’s time to get clear on what they are. The good news is you can move past them with this week’s Ageless Movement Practice.
When you move past fear your lower back pain will subside. Your back hurts because you are holding onto fear. Move through them and ahhhhhh your lower back will feel good.
I was reading from Brene Brown’s book, Dare to Lead this morning for a bit of inspiration and this quote and these questions leapt out at me:
The Cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek, Joseph Campbell
What is the treasure you seek that lies inside your fear?
What is the cave you fear to enter?
I took these questions into my morning Ageless Movement Practice.
What is the treasure I seek? What is the cave I fear to enter?
I thought of many treasures and fears but discarded them. They were a part of a bigger theme that was being illusive. Growing frustrated, I couldn’t force an answer. I let go and allowed the energy of the questions to stay with me.
Contemplating Fears and treasures
The questions remained with me as I went for my morning walk along the beach. As I walk, I collect sea shells and bits of coral. It’s a treasure hunt! Everyday I find an amazing gem that has popped out of the ocean and landed at my feet. The shell hunt takes me completely out of my head and into the experience.
On this morning’s walk I found a Drupa ricina or spottted drupe. This little shell is about 1 1/2 inches long, white with brown dots and spiky shoots that point to its long cave like opening.
The reference to a cave of fear had me glancing into the shells opening. The thought what is that cave I’m afraid to enter? Came to me and the answer flowed out of the shells beautiful opening.
My fears revealed
Michelle, you are afraid that no one will appreciate your gifts and talents. You’ll die broke and alone after working so hard to share who you are. Ultimately, there’s the possibility that there is no value in what you have to share.
Uggghhhh! A punch of reality right in my belly. How could such an awful message pour out of such a beautiful shell?
I placed the shell in my collection pouch and moved on down the beach and ran into the crabby man and his dog, Duke. I wrote about this man in an earlier blog. He hasn’t ever spoken a word to me. When I say “hi” he grunts to me and yells at Duke to “hurry up.”
This morning, I said, “Hi”, again to crabby man. He looked up at me and answered, “Good morning!” Then yanked on Duke’s leash and told him to “hurry up.” I stood frozen watching him. He spoke to me, wow!
After saying, “hi” for about fifty times, the man spoke to me. I looked to the ocean and said “Thank you!” I knew Duke’s owner was my teacher, teaching me to overcome my fears.
My teacher pointed me to knowing the treasure I seek is connection. I value love and want to share love with everyone I meet. My fear: People won’t love me back. Like, When they don’t say “Hi” back to me, get mad at me, break promises or a bizzilion other ways of showing me they don’t care, I react.
My struggle with co-dependence
Dang it!! I was beginning to understand. Looks as if I’m still struggling with co-dependence. I have an expectation that if I put love out, it will come back to me. Well, it does, but not everyone is in a place of love so they don’t have love to give back.
I do know this on an intellectual level. It’s when I have an experience with it that I get triggered into my need to be loved and valued by everyone. Hence, the co-dependence. You have to show me you love me in a way I understand for me to be okay.
Why doesn’t she like me?
My most recent co-dependent obsession is: I reached out to my new friend in the neighborhood who seemed super excited to know me. I’d opened my heart to her and we spent time together having deep conversations.
Recently, I went to the mainland for two weeks and when I got back, she was on the mainland. I anxiously awaited her return. One day there she was riding bike past my house, I excitedly texted her, let’s get together.
She texted back that she was too busy for the next month and a half. What? I felt a sickening feeling in my stomach. She doesn’t like me anymore. We were having so much fun together, what happened?
I immediately thought “what did I do? Why doesn’t she like me? Should I talk to her?” My partner, Ricardo got tired of listening to me try to figure it out. He suggested, “Maybe she’s not available for a friendship.”
It had nothing to do with you
Duh? And yay! It has nothing to do with me! Maybe she’s too busy or maybe a hundred other things. Why do I make it about myself? Dang!
Being brave for me is to share my love without expectation. Give without expecting to receive. To appreciate those who are available to give back to me. I acknowledge I have so many people in my life that share real love. You’re one of them. Thank you, thank you.
Here’s your gift
An Ageless Body Note From Your Fear Muscle.
Dear Courageous One,
I’m your fear muscle. My name is Iliopsoas and I hang onto your fears. As I hold, I constantly remind you of those fears. That voice in your head that says, don’t go there you’ll get hurt. Don’t talk to him, he doesn’t like you. If you do that you’ll die. You know the one.
The more fear I hold onto the tighter I get. As I tighten, your sacrum shoves up into your lower spine causing you lower back pain. When you feel lower back tension it’s time to empty me out.
Face your fears
Look at your fears and move through them. How? Become aware of what they are. Breathe deeply in and out of your belly while opening me with ball rolling and movement. Accept your fears and let them go. Breathe them out.
I will relax and your sacrum will settle back into it’s space. Your lower back pain will disappear.
Your fears aren’t meant to held but to be felt and released.
Your Iliopsoas (Via Michelle Andrie)
P.S. Check out the Ageless Movement Practices to be brave.
P.S.S. Join the Ageless Movement Facebook page. to hear all the amazing results from the ageless practitioners and watch on Friday mornings at 8 am Hawaii time, 1 pm EST, noon CST and 10 am PST for Facebook Live Free Flow Fridays. I’ll introduce the new practice and offer tips, tools and in-depth energy body pointers. In addition, I’ll answer any body/mind/spirit challenges that are coming up for you in the past practices or in your life.