A shoulder releasing revelation
Okay — I’m saying this with a little trepidation– “I’m not responsible for anyone else”. My shoulders are softening but I want to look behind me to see if someone is going to strike me down.
I’m telling myself to calmly breathe to remember this is the concept I’ve been working toward my whole life.
Deep breath. I am starting to get it — I’m not responsible for anyone else.
Big exhalation —
I am responsible to others — not for them
Holy cow!! Lightning bolts!! I’m not responsible for ANYONE else. That means I’m free. Yipee!! I’m free to choose to live my life any way I want to and I’m not responsible for how you choose to react to me.
It also means that YOU ARE free!! To live your life any way you choose to live it despite how I might feel about it.
If we are both free then we can see if we want to relate. Yes, it’s a choice.
You heard me right
I’m saying that if I’m not responsible for you. No matter who you are — then I can see if I want to relate to you. I may not want to relate to you even if you are my family or a close friend that I’ve had for years.
Or I may want to relate to you. That would mean I’m responsible to you. Meaning I agree to show up holding my truth and share who I am with you.
I won’t take care of you, fix you, control you or wish you were different. I’ll allow you to be who you are and relate to you honoring your truth.
It also means I can set boundaries in relationships so I can take care of myself if I need to. And you can set boundaries to take care of yourself.
Wow!! What a major difference compared to my co-dependent, over-responsible beliefs and thoughts about relationships that have been driving me since childhood. The thought that I’m responsible for anyone else makes me frustrated and irritable. I don’t want to be wishing, encouraging, nagging anyone to change because I feel responsible for them.
YUCK! I’m done with that
I’m kinda having a moment here because this is a new revelation. I’ve been moving toward it for a looooooong time but a miracle happened and I got it or more like I’m friggin’ finally getting it!! I just high fived myself. I’ve actually never done that before.
When I believe I’m responsible for you my shoulders become tight and achy. I become irritated with you. Out of frustration, my arrogance coping mechanism takes me to I’m better than you.
An aside — I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. That’s such a horrible way to be in a relationship and I believe I’ve been living in those kinds of relationships most of my life.
I’ve always felt strong and able
I seemed to choose friends and partners who are weak and needy. The reason I did this was to do the co-dependent dance together. I could play out the role I learned from childhood. I have compassion for myself — It was the only way I knew to relate to others.
My relationship pattern went like this — You need my help so I’m going to take care of you. When you choose not to listen to me or change in the ways I need you to — you make my life miserable.
Big hurl!! OMG, that is some nasty old stuff that has kept me from doing the healthy love dance.
I’m reeling with the realization that changing people is NOT my responsibility.
I’m going to practice letting go of my strength in relationships because that is really a weakness. Instead, I’m going to practice accepting everyone I choose to be responsible to fully, just as they are. My goal is to love people without feeling the need to control them.
Wow, my shoulders may now have a chance to soften and come away from my ears. Ahhhhhh! Relief is on its way.
Do this simple shoulder releease
Sit in a chair. Lean forward away from the seat back and take your right hand and arm behind you. Turn your palm facing out and walk your hand as high up as you can get it into your upper back.
Sit back into the chair seat and press into your right shoulder blade. You’ll feel the pull in your shoulder joint. Breathe through that as you look down into your left armpit and shake your head “no”.
Exhale and release responsible for and breathe in responsible to.
When you are ready to come out, lean forward and release your right hand and arm. Move it freely and switch sides.
Lean forward away from the seat back and take your left hand and arm behind you. Turn your palm facing out and walk your hand as high up as you can get it into your upper back.
Sit back into the chair seat and press into your left shoulder blade. You’ll feel the pull in your shoulder joint. Breathe through that as you look down into your left armpit and shake your head “no”.
Exhale and release responsible for and breath in responsible to.
When you are ready to come out, lean forward and release your left hand and arm.
Sit back and enjoy the release of your tight shoulders.
Consider it for yourself
Think of someone in your life you feel responsible for. Then write down why and determine if you’ve been trying to be responsible FOR that person instead of TO them.
Check out this week’s Ageless Movement Practice to get a full-on release of the tension in your shoulders as you smoothly slide into responsibility to all!
Let me know who or what you’ve felt responsible for and how it feels to shift that to responsible to in the comments below.