I needed to change my attitude and quick!! Why? Because I was finding myself being short and snippy with my partner and blaming him for things that were NOT his fault.
Here’s how it went down:
1. I’m noticing
I’m in reaction — to our condo remodel. Adding that project to our normal lives has taken me into a place where I keep seeing that big wave of stuff I have to get done.
From that space of feeling overwhelmed, I could see what my partner needed to do and I was sure to let him know – and not in a nice way. No one likes to be judged, controlled, herded, and put down. I don’t like it when I do that!! I knew stress threw me there. And now, it was time for me to make an attitude adjustment!
2. How do I feel?
That’s easy — I feel frustrated and overwhelmed.
3. What do I need?
Time to take a hard look at my needs that aren’t being met.
Ahhhhhh, I sat back, closed my eyes, relaxed and reflected on myself. What do I need?
And boom two unmet needs surfaced — I needed to be listened to and to let go of managing the remodeling project.
4. Now, to ask for what I need from myself and my partner
Whew okay — Time to get straight with myself first. I’m going to lie down and listen to my body. Oh, man my butt cheeks are tight!! Okay, a ball in my butt cheeks and “haaaa” breaths to release trying to control everything!
Alright, I feel better already now to talk to my man. My partner and I have a way of communicating called the council. We practice it whenever we need to talk through important issues. I highly recommend everyone have a communication ritual. It resolves things smoothly and easily.
I asked my partner to do a council to ask for what I needed from him. We sat down facing one another with our talking stick which is a little rock turtle. Agreeing to listen with our hearts and keep what we needed to say brief and to the point.
We also affirmed our agreement to allow whoever has the talking stick turtle to talk until finished as the other person listened.
Talk & Listen
I told my partner I needed him to take over the management of the condo project. As I talked I realized — truth be told he is doing a good job managing the project. I need to take my focus off the remodel and trust him.
Yikes, that’s a bit hard for me. Deep breath out releasing my need to control my partner’s management skills. More balls in my butt cheeks now and in the future!!
I was still holding the talking stick so I continued to share. I said, “I needed to be listened to”.
Now, I felt complete and my partner took the talking stick. He shared he was listening to me. He was doing the best he could do. So, my work is to relax and accept that my partner is not a robot but a man who has his own life to live. “Haaaaaaa!”
Okay, I’m feeling better already
These four steps come from a practice called Non-Violent Communication (NVC) I’ve practiced it for years. It’s a super simple way to communicate with yourself and others. Try it the next time you feel a lower emotion like depression, anger/frustration, overwhelm or Pessimism coming on and affecting your attitude. NVC will shift you toward joy!!
The four steps of NVC
#2. Identify your feelings
#3. Identify your unmet needs
#4. Ask for what you need
The absolute best way to make an attitude adjustment is to join in on this week’s Ageless Movement Practice for members only. You’ll love how the neck opening practices release your neck pain and tension and get your communication flowing. Your attitude will adjust quickly and easily with this regenerative whole-body movement practice.
I’m talking you will be speaking up about what you see, how you feel, what you need and you’ll easily ask for what you want! All because you did this week’s amazing Ageless Movement Practice!!
Oh yay — I love when things really work and I LOVE, LOVE to share them with you.
Let me know what you see, how you feel, what you need, and how you’re going to ask for what you want in the comments section below.
elly mixsell says
Just what I needed. I really like the talking stick idea.
Michelle Andrie says
Yay!! I’m happy you got what you needed!!